[Tommy looks really slick and not at all like his usual tweedy self. He's standing in front of a sign that says 'Wonders Of The Mysterious Orient' and a tent flap. It's a TOTALLY MYSTERIOUS LOOKING TENT FLAP.]

Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever wished to part the hidden veil of the Far East and see the exotic wonders therein? Have you ever dreamed of a smoke-filled night by the Yangtze River, the voice of the paixiao lulling you to sleep beneath the shadow of the river shrines? Or the awe and amazement of facing the hideous dragon-beast!

[He dramatically throws the tent flap aside so you can see into the exhibit. It's mainly just dark.]

Dream no more, ladies and gentlemen! For inside this tent, you will find the wonders of the mysterious Orient, collected on my travels through those distant, savage lands! Marvel at artifacts of untold power! Tremble at strange and aberrant creatures! Like nothing you've ever seen before, ladies and gentlemen, only twenty cents for the show of a lifetime!

[His tone becomes creepy and serious.]

I must warn you, this show is not for the faint of heart. Children, and ladies of a weak disposition, should stay away.

[Tommy gives a creepy smile and turns the camera off.

Feel free to spam if you want to see the show. It's mainly old-looking weapons, a fake dragon mask, some weird coins, a couple Asian-looking instruments, a piece of what's theoretically a spooky cursed ancient tombstone, and the main attraction: a Ghastly Giant Rat! in a cage (it's a coypu).

Fellow carnies would know that Tommy's still basically Tommy, but to townies he insists on being called The Enigmatic Mr. Brown.]

In light of recent ports, I'm toying with the notion of teaching anyone interested how to use a gun properly. Obviously, there would need to be safety measures implemented, but I believe there are those who would benefit from learning how to defend themselves.


[meant for his friends, still public]

Is everyone alright? For a certain value of 'alright,' that is.


[private to Donnie]

There are four things I would like to discuss with you, in ascending order of importance:

1. Hobbies.
2. Jobs.
3. Goals.
4. My new shoes.

When and where would be convenient for you?


[private to the Admiral]

I'd like a pair of new shoes. Mine are more or less unwearable now.

[added later:]

As well as a sketchbook and some quality pencils for my inmate.

[Tommy's voice comes through shakily. In the background, you can hear what sounds like a man crying out in pain.

The video is mainly static, but you can get occasional glimpses of Tommy, looking a lot more disheveled than usual, standing with his back pressed into a corner of his cell. He has his eyes shut so he doesn't have to look at whatever's crying.]

Ah, hel-- [Static.] I don't m-- [A very loud burst of static that goes on for a long moment.] --ther, but from all appearances, I am trapped here [More static.] --ooner the better.

[Tommy opens his eyes and gives the camera a perplexed and slightly horrified look before his attention is quickly drawn to something else, then there's another loud burst of static before both audio and video cut out.]



[ooc: Tommy's up in the North Wing.]

I realize now may not be the best time to pose a question to the populace at large, but I'm afraid this one simply won't wait.

Has anybody got any scissors? I seem to have misplaced mine.

Hello, one and all! My name's Tommy, and I run the reading room here. I see a few of you have already found it, just be careful to put all the books back exactly where you found them. If you've got any questions about the filing system, don't hesitate to ask! I'll be... well, I'll be in the reading room.

I say, Admiral! This is jolly untoward of you. How am I meant to bathe? I certainly hope this won't last more than a day or two, as I'm much more used to being myself.

I think I may be well enough to totter up to the CES for a few hours. Donnie, care to come? Anyone's welcome. We could make a picnic of it. Some sun and fresh air would be quite healthy, I'm sure.


[private to Hayley]

Would you like to have that discussion now?


[private to Sexby]

I'm not certain what was occupying your attention when I first returned, but I hope it's been concluded successfully by now. I felt I should remedy the fact that we've barely spoken this past month.

[Tommy just keeps hitting the communicator with his paw until video switches on. He's dressed himself about as well as a wallaby can, which is to say that there's a hat on his head and a jacket draped around him. It wouldn't do to be naked, after all.

Humans just hear a sort of hissing or chattering noise, animals can hear him say:]


Hello! I must say, this is dashedly unusual, even for the barge. Still, chins up!

Is there anyone still human that wouldn't mind procuring some fresh vegetables for me? I can't say I care for the thought of eating grass, if it can be helped.


[He snuffles at the screen.]


Can anyone understand me?

Donnie? I don't believe we've met. I'm Tommy, and I'm to be your warden.

I do apologize if this comes in the midst of unpleasant circumstances, but could someone tell me what month it is? I appear to have misplaced some time.

I must say, I've been rather enjoying this little bit of peace and quiet. I've only been on board about two months and already I've been brainwashed, visited ancient Rome, dealt with two takeovers, and it seems that's the normal state of affairs here. How dull life would be without the occasional adventure, though a solid breather every now and then seems quite healthy.

And while it's fresh on my mind, and a tip of my hat to the kitchen staff. I believe I've gained at least a few pounds since my arrival, all thanks to your superb cooking.


[warden filter]

A bit overdue, perhaps, but with the lull in danger and mayhem, this might be a good time to hold that get-together I proposed so long ago. If anyone would still be interested, I suggest this Friday in that handy room above deck.


[private to Sexby]

How are you holding up, sir? It seemed you took the robot invasion a bit hard.


[private to Campbell]

My apologies, Mr. Campbell, that our trip to the billiard room and forest was rained out, as it were. I should like to reschedule. When might be good for you?

I also find myself curious about your life story. It might do you some good to talk to someone about it, and I'd like to hear a bit more about this second World War. As though the original wasn't disaster enough.

[filtered to Loki, Peter and Nathan Petrelli, Aleera, Namor, Claire, Libby, and Shell; visible to McCoy, Sam, Chekov, Tosh, and Martha]

Good afternoon all! It seems we have a bit of a situation on our hands, and it would be wise to make for higher ground, as it were. If you'd be kind enough to give me your name and location - privately - I shall make my way to you. Let's not make breaks for it on our own or we could wind up as one of the Borg, which I don't think anybody wants.

Apart from the Borg, I suppose.


[private to Campbell]

A Dr. Jones is in charge of evacuating the first floor. Please follow her instructions. She'll get you to the dining hall safely.

A hairy few moments there, it seems, but I trust everyone is alright? No one accidentally liquefied themselves or... turned into a squid or whatever other strange powers seem to abound here?


Mr. Campbell, how is that play coming? I'd be very interested in reading it. I also think a rousing game of billiards followed by a trip to the Enclosure might do you some good.


Oh, and Admiral? I don't supposed it would be possible to have the Times delivered? Your library is quite extensive but I do find myself missing the comforts of home and all that.

Mr. Campbell, is it? It seems I'm to be your warden. So, introductions and all that.

Hello! I'm Tommy. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir!

[private to Krycek]

Mr. Krycek? You're the one who's been inquiring after weapons, are you not?


[private to Sexby; added later]

Some news, Mr. Sexby! Your mysterious Mr. Arntzen is an inmate by the name of Alex Krycek, though he may claim to be a warden. He's also rather a truculent fellow.

Is it common for one to lose all memory of oneself every time this ship makes landfall? I was rather looking forward to stretching my legs, but it seems I may as well have stretched somebody else's.


[warden filter]

Now that most of the fuss seems to have died down, I have a proposal. Might it not be a good idea for all the wardens to have a biweekly, or at least monthly, get-together? A social occasion of sorts, with a buffet, simply to welcome our newest arrivals and allow them to meet everyone face-to-face.

[filtered from the Captain Party]

The Admiral. Opinions? Thoughts? Was he a good leader or a bad? If you brought up an issue with him, would he respond?

I'd like some more information before I entirely make up my mind about this new development.


[added later:]

Are there people here who rescued the Doctor? It's been brought to my attention that you may know how to get to the control room.


[also added later:]

In an effort to consider this issue from both sides, anyone who has information on the mutineers would be appreciated as well. Mr. Kirk, Mr. Solo, and Mr. Harkness. I'd be very grateful if anyone who can attest to their character or experience would step forward.

Hello, I believe introductions are in order! My name's Tommy Beresford, and I'm to be a new warden here. It's a pleasure to be working with all of you.