[Tommy looks really slick and not at all like his usual tweedy self. He's standing in front of a sign that says 'Wonders Of The Mysterious Orient' and a tent flap. It's a TOTALLY MYSTERIOUS LOOKING TENT FLAP.]

Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever wished to part the hidden veil of the Far East and see the exotic wonders therein? Have you ever dreamed of a smoke-filled night by the Yangtze River, the voice of the paixiao lulling you to sleep beneath the shadow of the river shrines? Or the awe and amazement of facing the hideous dragon-beast!

[He dramatically throws the tent flap aside so you can see into the exhibit. It's mainly just dark.]

Dream no more, ladies and gentlemen! For inside this tent, you will find the wonders of the mysterious Orient, collected on my travels through those distant, savage lands! Marvel at artifacts of untold power! Tremble at strange and aberrant creatures! Like nothing you've ever seen before, ladies and gentlemen, only twenty cents for the show of a lifetime!

[His tone becomes creepy and serious.]

I must warn you, this show is not for the faint of heart. Children, and ladies of a weak disposition, should stay away.

[Tommy gives a creepy smile and turns the camera off.

Feel free to spam if you want to see the show. It's mainly old-looking weapons, a fake dragon mask, some weird coins, a couple Asian-looking instruments, a piece of what's theoretically a spooky cursed ancient tombstone, and the main attraction: a Ghastly Giant Rat! in a cage (it's a coypu).

Fellow carnies would know that Tommy's still basically Tommy, but to townies he insists on being called The Enigmatic Mr. Brown.]

I realize now may not be the best time to pose a question to the populace at large, but I'm afraid this one simply won't wait.

Has anybody got any scissors? I seem to have misplaced mine.

Hello, one and all! My name's Tommy, and I run the reading room here. I see a few of you have already found it, just be careful to put all the books back exactly where you found them. If you've got any questions about the filing system, don't hesitate to ask! I'll be... well, I'll be in the reading room.

I say, Admiral! This is jolly untoward of you. How am I meant to bathe? I certainly hope this won't last more than a day or two, as I'm much more used to being myself.

[Tommy just keeps hitting the communicator with his paw until video switches on. He's dressed himself about as well as a wallaby can, which is to say that there's a hat on his head and a jacket draped around him. It wouldn't do to be naked, after all.

Humans just hear a sort of hissing or chattering noise, animals can hear him say:]


Hello! I must say, this is dashedly unusual, even for the barge. Still, chins up!

Is there anyone still human that wouldn't mind procuring some fresh vegetables for me? I can't say I care for the thought of eating grass, if it can be helped.


[He snuffles at the screen.]


Can anyone understand me?